


five words.

by hellosterfry



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Michael Has a Squip, Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Oops, POV First Person, Rejection, blink and you'll miss it though - Freeform, from the squip, jeremy is sad, michael feels bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:03:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11545152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellosterfry/pseuds/hellosterfry
Summary: three weeks. that’s how long it had been since i’d taken that pill. the pill that promised me i could achieve my dreams, that could finally make me someone, that could finally make me feel complete.





	five words.

**Author's Note:**

> woot woot pumping out angst for y'all because i'm a BIG ANGST SLUT  
> shoutout to ao3 user becher for catching my clues! good job.  
> i'd recommend reading [nine words](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11536719) before this if you haven't already, as this is the sequel/other side to it from jeremy's perspective!  
> enjoy!

Three weeks. That’s how long it had been since I’d taken that pill. The pill that promised me I could achieve my dreams, that could finally make me someone, that could finally make me feel complete. The day I took it, I was at home in my basement. I took it Mountain Dew, like the stockboy at Payless had instructed, and about five minutes after, my head began to hurt _immensely._

I honestly thought I was dying. That’s how bad it was, if that helps you any. However, when Chloe fucking Price was standing in front of me, I was more than a little confused.

“Michael Mell, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor, or your SQUIP,” her voice was cool, just like in the video game.

“You’re.. Chloe Price,” I spoke slowly.

She scoffed a bit. “My default mode. My other settings are Jared Leto Joker, young Christian Slater, and Jack Kelly. Would you like to change my appearance settings?”

I considered my options. “Change to.. Christian,” I finally decided. Chloe was gonna be pretty distracting. The SQUIP glitched for a moment before a young Christian Slater stood before me.

“Save settings?” he asked. Damn, even the voice was right.

“Yeah,” I replied. “You’re gonna help me be cool, right?”

“Precisely. Most SQUIPs make this a quick process and turn your life around immediately, but I’m sensing that you would like to keep the relationship with your parents. So I’ll take this slower. That way, your parents will slowly adjust to your newfound sense of coolness,” he explained. “We’ll start small. No more video games or weed.”

No! I couldn’t give those up, why couldn’t I keep those?

“Video games are uncool,” Christian explained. “No cool kid plays those. And weed will affect my performance, so I’d advise you to not smoke that.”

That, like I said, was three weeks ago. February twenty-seventh. Today it’s March fifteenth, and my SQUIP says this week I can stop sitting with Jeremy on the floor and start sitting with the cool kids, like Jake Dillinger and Chloe Valentine. You know, the Cool Kids™.

“Don’t use a trademark symbol like that again,” the SQUIP frowns. “Look at Jeremy.” I look at Jeremy, my best friend of twelve years. He has a faint hint of pink on his cheeks. “He’s going to ask you out. You _must_ reject him. He will only keep you down here, in the pit of nobodies.”

What?! I can’t reject Jeremy! I mean, I don’t really like him that way, but I still want to be his friend.

“No. You must. Just play along until he asks,” the SQUIP orders. I sigh softly in my head before placing a sushi roll in my mouth.

And like that, Jeremy’s talking to me. I notice how nervous he looks. “Michael, can I ask you something?” he asks me, making sure I can hear him.

I try to look interested, even if my SQUIP already told me what was going to happen. “Sure, what’s up?” I ask, mouth full. I’m going to get shocked for that later, but right now I know that the SQUIP is trying to make me look believable.

“I, uh, I don’t know how to ask this, so I’m just gonna. Say it. Yeah,” he coughs, awkward as ever. I almost smile, he’s precious. “I want to go on a date with you.”

The SQUIP forces me to choke. I cough for a moment before swallowing the offending food. “Are you asking me out?” I ask and raise a brow.

“Yes..?” he answers before clasping his hands in his lap.

I want to say yes. I don’t feel the same for him, but it would make him happy, and I want to see Jeremy happy. However, the SQUIP begins making me pack my lunchbox. That’s not what I want to do, I want to answer him! “No, Jeremy,” I frown. That’s not what I want to say. I don’t want to sound so pissed at him, so annoyed, like he’s the worst person alive. He’s my only friend right now, and I’m his only friend.

“Wait, Michael, I’m sorry-“ he begins to apologise, but I’m forced to cut him off.

“Yeah, Sure,” I spit out. I don’t want to sound like this, I want to say sorry and tell him yes, anything for him, anything to make him happy. However, the SQUIP begins making me walk off. “Don’t talk to me.” Okay, what the hell?! He’s going to be shattered!

“It was necessary for what’s going to happen. Go to Jake’s table and ask to sit with them,” the SQUIP directs.

I do as I’m told, holding my old lunchbox in my hand. “Hey, could I sit with you guys?” I ask, trying to sound confident.

I can feel their eyes boring holes in me, picking me apart piece by piece, until Rich Goranski speaks up, “hell yeah, Michael! Squeeze in over here.” His SQUIP is linked to mine, meaning we’re going to be friends when my SQUIP says it’s time. I think today’s the time. “Jake, Chloe, Brooke, Dustin, Jenna, this is Michael.” The others greet me softly.

That was the day I lost my closest friend, but gained six new ones.

Flash forward to May of my junior year, I’ve mostly forgotten about Jeremy. He’s texted in the past, but my SQUIP says to not answer him. He eventually stopped trying. However, he’s in my AP Literature class, since we were both always good at English. I look across the room at the clock, something he sits under, and he’s staring at me. I glare at him before turning back to face the class. He can’t have me, he knows he can’t. I’m with Brooke now, he knows that. Everyone knows that. I’m not into girls, but the SQUIP says having a girlfriend is cool. Not having a boyfriend, apparently. I don’t understand that. Maybe I never will.

However, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had said yes. I wonder what his hand would feel like in mine. He’s always had small hands, and they were always cold, but still soft. To kiss him on the lips. To hold him close in a homo way. To wake up to his sleeping face squished against my bare chest, the only thing keeping us covered being a blanket. To tell him I love him, even if I may not mean it, but to see him happy. I want him to be happy.

I wonder what it would be like to be his friend. If we stayed being each other’s only friend on Earth. What it would’ve been like if I hadn’t taken that pill.

But then I remember my coolness. My new friends, how every girl and even a ton of guys want to be with me romantically or sexually. How teachers don’t give a shit if I walk in twenty minutes after the bell. How everyone idolises me with the rest of the popular kids.

But still, I just wish I had my player two by my side. Even if I have to remember those five important words:

He’s not my friend anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> no happy endings for them it's nOT ALLOWED _NOT ALLOWED EVER_  
>  this was actually kind of hard to write! not just in the sense of "oh fuck michael's gotta break jeremy" but in the sense of "HOW DO I FUCKING WRITE MICHAEL???" because i roleplay as jeremy, so he comes easy to me! but jj is my michael, so i usually don't have to worry about writing his personality in fics! i think this was pretty decent for my first time? let me know if he's ooc, though! xx


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